If you wake up excited to ask for feedback, you are a rare bird. The human ego is masterful at finding ways to avoid anything that might feel painful or increase self-doubt, and most of us assume that feedback is going to do just that.

So, a typical day passes without us inviting another person to offer input on our work or leadership, and POOF — there goes an opportunity to grow…not because any of us is a self-improvement project who is lacking, but because each new day offers another chance to remember that development is natural and necessary.

Rather than waiting for feedback to come to you, we encourage you to ask for it, to welcome growth with arms wide open. It’s a move that not only yields benefits for individuals, but also for teams. When asking for feedback becomes an organizational habit, teams make better decisions and adapt and change more quickly. (See links below, in the Deeper Dive)

Let’s define important terms, consider an example, and discuss how to begin.

What is Feedback?

Feedback is information about how a person or group is doing related to a specific desired outcome, offered with the intention to improve performance.

We distinguish between two types: positive feedback (which offers reinforcement), and constructive feedback (which catalyzes change).

Positive feedback is overlooked and under-practiced in the workplace, despite offering tremendous benefits related to retention, profitability and productivity. A couple of tantalizing data points:

Employees who receive feedback on their strengths turn over 14.9% less frequently than those who don’t.
When managers are given feedback on their strengths, teams perform 8.9% more profitably, and with 12.5% greater productivity. (Gallup)

As for constructive feedback, we encourage you to ditch the terms “negative” and “critical” feedback, since those words tend to increase people’s resistance to feedback and signal that feedback is bad. By contrast, “constructive” connotes building; ideally, constructive feedback helps someone build their skills and effectiveness.

Growth-Oriented Leaders Invite Feedback

One of our clients, “Kate,” came to coaching because she had been recently promoted to a leadership role within a small organization. Overnight, she shifted from being “one of the gang” with her colleagues to being in a position where she supervised them.

During a coaching session, she spoke energetically and her eyes sparkled. She was excited about visions for the future of this little company, which she had just been entrusted to shape.

And, she felt worried. She had noticed that the easy give and take of ideas with her colleagues had dropped significantly due to the shift in power dynamics. The flow of feedback that used to be natural had turned dry.

Kate realized that she now needed to invite feedback. After deliberating, she landed on asking the question: What ideas do you have about how I could improve as a collaborator? Notice that her question is singular, specific, and focused on something in her sphere of control.

With her question ready, she considered who to ask, when, and how. She decided to ask face-to-face and keep the conversations brief, simple, and undramatic…like they used to feel.

After this first practice run, Kate made two big moves. First, she openly stated that she wanted to build a work culture where feedback was asked for and offered regularly. Others responded warmly. Also, she continued to formulate and ask specific questions, sometimes soliciting positive feedback, other times constructive, and sometimes intentionally open to either. For example:

“I’ve been working on keeping our key goal front and center.

When have you seen me do this? (soliciting positive)
When have I missed opportunities to do this? (soliciting constructive)
How is keeping our key goal front and center making a difference in our work?” (open)

Notice that she asked for specific feedback about her own leadership development goal. What she didn’t do was ask a general question like: Do you have any feedback for me? or How do you think I’m doing in my role?

Several months later, Kate reflected on two shifts she had noticed. First, employees were offering input to her more frequently now, without waiting for her to ask. Also, other employees were picking up the habit of asking one another specific, focused questions related to their work.

Meanwhile, business was thriving. Eight months after Kate’s shift in leadership, not a single employee had left, and the company posted their best production numbers in history. Of course, these outcomes are not attributable to the singular practice of asking for feedback, but Kate believes this intentional practice served as a key lever to the company’s success.

When we choose to move past our natural resistance to asking for feedback — recognizing that avoidance is just the ego’s way of protecting us — we invite growth. It may not be easy or natural, but practice can yield positive results for us personally and collectively.

Asking for Feedback

Formulate a single, specific question you care about to solicit feedback that is intentionally positive, constructive, or open to both.. A few examples:
- On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate my delivery in the presentation I made this morning? Follow up: What would have made it a 10? (Or an 11?)
- How reliable have I been in the last couple of weeks in my work with you?
- What’s working well for you in our weekly 1:1 meetings?
- What is one action that I could start or stop doing to improve our team meetings?
List 1-4 people you want to ask this question, then reach out and request a 10-minute live feedback conversation (and stick to the time limit!)
Prepare your mind, heart, and body before each conversation. Do what works to help you feel open and ready to listen. Maybe this looks like taking a couple of breaths where you exhale twice as long as you inhale. Maybe this means uncrossing your arms and legs and leaning back. Even when we ask a question to solicit positive feedback, our bodies naturally tense up, so we have to consciously prepare and calm ourselves.
Let the other person know what to expect. Tell the person you’ll ask just one question, really listen, reflect back what you heard, and simply say thank you.
Ask and listen. Ask your question. Take notes only if you need to. Just keep breathing and drinking in what the other person offers.
Check in. Once they finish (hopefully providing honest, candid feedback), repeat back what you think you heard, and ask, “Is that right? Is there more?” Listen again.
Offer a sincere thank you, and nothing else!
Later, close the loop. Share with them what you did or didn’t do; let the person know the impact of their feedback.

If you’re serious about your personal development, or if you’re in a position to develop a culture of continuous improvement with a team or organization, asking for feedback is a straightforward, potent practice you can begin today.

“Developing a culture of asking for feedback may be the most cost-effective way to develop healthy, ever-evolving work cultures.”

- David Rock, Beth Jones, Chris Weller