“Agency” isn’t a commonly used word. In this context, I’m thinking of it as having personal power to choose, decide, act. I’ll never forget one little moment when someone helped me see that I had agency. I was talking about something I really wanted to participate in, but the decision was in someone else’s hands. The woman I was speaking with said, “Remember, you can make a request. Have you let the person deciding know what you want and how important this is to you?” I had not. I spoke up, my request was acknowledged and honored, and I felt empowered.

Last post, I wrote about Allowing, which when paired with Agency, creates a polarity - a pair of ideas that exist on a continuum, where both ends are positive or neutral rather than binary (good/bad, right/wrong). Learning to identify and work with polarities is a powerful skill (link below if you’re interested), and I’ve been grappling with the polarity of Allowing and Agency for a long time now, since I started Only to Grow over three years ago. Much of this time, I have been focused on allowing - responding to opportunities that came my way, trying my hand at many types of projects, letting things unfold.

Through my study of adult development, I came to understand that this lean toward allowing is part of a natural cycle of development. As each of us develops, we go through undulating cycles—like everything else in nature—of expansion and contraction. In the big picture, I’ve been in a cycle of expansion: open to many possibilities, experimenting across a variety of arenas, letting myself not be sure. This stage of development is called Self-Questioning. Makes sense.

Now, I feel myself narrowing and focusing, sorting out what I need to say No to so I can say Yes with greater intention. The stage of development I’m moving toward is Self-Actualizing. Of course, I won’t stop questioning (the beautiful part about development is that we can access all the skills of earlier stages), but I’m finding clarity, taking a stronger stand, and feeling confident.

I sat down to write this post about agency and realized I couldn’t publish it until I had taken some action! So, I got motivated to do some website revision and captured what I most want to say Yes to on a new page named Work Together. Please take a look! I welcome your feedback.

As a final point, I want to say that that agency doesn’t imply “going it alone.” We are often assisted in stepping into greater agency through the support and guidance of others. Props to my writing coach and a great women’s group I belong to who spurred me to reflection and commitment! Which brings me to this month’s invitations….

Invitations

1. Make a choice or decision you know it’s time for. Take action, even if it’s imperfect.

   and/or

2. On a piece of paper, write the words Allowing and Agency side by side in the center of your page (you can do this with any polarity you’re working with). Above each word, create a list of the “upsides” or positive aspects of each. Below each word, create a list of the “downsides” or negatives of each. Locate yourself. Where are you in relation to each side of the polarity? What does this reveal to you?

If you want to learn more about polarities and see an example of #2, watch the first 25 minutes of this video with polarities expert Barry Johnson. If you’re a coach, you may be interested in the whole hour.