I have always loved words and have been sensitive to them for as long as I can remember in books, poems, songs, and more formal ways of speaking. However, I was was well into adulthood before I really started considering how I use words in day-to-day conversation with friends, loved ones, and colleagues. Though the average adult in the U.S. spends 30% of their conscious hours in conversation—nearly a third of our waking lives—relatively little attention is devoted to developing mindful awareness of our daily speech, even though this awareness can have a big impact on our experience of the world.

Take a moment to review a conversation you’ve had in in the last day. Don’t think too hard, just focus on the first one that pops to mind. Now, bring an image to mind of the color and texture of the words you exchanged, regardless of the content. How would you describe the conversation?

I’ve asked this question of others and heard the gamut. A particularly bad conversation was described as vile green, like the “coughing cloud” made visible in a recent commercial for cold medicine. One was brown burlap. Another was described as a roll of white register tape. Someone else offered the image of a pile of velvety rose petals.

No matter what you’ve pulled up, the invitation of this post is to be more conscious and intentional about your daily speech, to be aware of whether you are spewing flowers or something less desirable on those around you.

Developing your awareness of everyday conversation is a practice, often referred to as “wise speech” in Buddhism. Wise speech is described several ways, and one that resonates most with me uses three questions to help a person consider whether and how to say something:

1. Is it true?

2. Is it beneficial?

3. Does it forge connection?

Consider complaints. Though complaints are often true, sometimes beneficial, and occasionally forge connection, I think it’s safe to say that they generally spread negative energy. Recently, I took on a lovely challenge my fellow colleague Carrie LaDue offered: participating with several others in a “no complaint” contract, which reads (in part):

“I commit to a life of no complaining, whining or gossiping for 7 days in a row. If I catch myself in the act, I will treat myself kindly, and remind myself to move away from negativity and towards positive energy.”

Making this commitment heightened my awareness of when I am in danger of entering the vortex. More often, I have been making the choice to say nothing, shift to observational mode, or get clear about the need or request that underlies my impulse to complain. Suddenly, "I'm exhausted" shifts to, "I'm going to take a break and eat something." When combined with visualizing how others might be experiencing the color and texture of my words, I found the no complaint contract to be a concrete approach to practicing wise speech.

One more wrinkle: Attending the Women’s March this weekend illuminated another important aspect of wise speech, which is the importance of speaking up. Sometimes, it is the right choice to say nothing and staunch complaint, gossip, or prattle. Other times, it is necessary and wise to speak one’s truth, even if what you’re saying isn’t pleasant and doesn’t feel like flowers. I’ll pick up this thread in a “Part 2” post about this topic before the month is out, because it’s a biggie.

For now, I’ll leave you with Maya Angelou’s famous words: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” May the color, texture, and content of your words act as a balm, an honoring, an inspiration, a call to action.