The Essence of Connection

Several coaching clients have at one point or another spoken with me about the notion of “disconnecting” — from work, from pressure, from stressful responsibilities. It always makes me curious about the relationship between disconnection and connection, and I often ask, What is it you want to connect with as a result of disconnecting? It is always a provocative question. And here we are, in days that take the question into new territory. What does it mean to connect and disconnect?

I find that the answer to this question comes back to some version of disconnecting from ego and connecting to essence, though there are plentiful synonyms for these two words, and you may prefer others. Another way to say it is that people want to disconnect from things that feel energy-sucking and superficial, and people want to connect to what makes them feel alive, aware of the vitality in and around them. 

Just to be clear, feeling alive does not mean feeling happy. Being alive means being willing to enter the whole gamut of emotions, not just the pleasant ones. It means being wiling to feel all of it instead of numbing out…becoming aware of anger, depression, confusion, helplessness, indifference, fear, hurt, sadness...as well as openness, love, curiosity, peacefulness, strength, and trust. 

Part of connecting to essence, then, is being able to name, in a nuanced way, how we feel. To help with this, I keep a copy of Byron Katie’s Emotions List in my journal so I can practice noticing and naming my emotions with greater awareness and accuracy, because this does not come easily to me. Clients I’ve worked with have shared it with others to help groups move beyond How are you/I’m okay exchanges at work or home.

On the disconnecting front, I have been quiet of late. February blew by without a post from me. However, I have been both writing and exercising my inner librarian, and I am now ready to SHARE! A silver lining of this unprecedented and strange time is that I, along with many others, have had an opportunity to dig into some “I’ve been meaning to…” projects, especially ones that forge connection.

Across time and cultures, another important way humans have connected to essence is through poems, stories, and music, and I have some of each to offer you. Here are three (FREE) offerings that I hope offer vitality, with more on the way…

Vital Poems

Poems have served as a source of vitality for me as far back as I can recall, and sharing gems with others has been another vector of joy. Tucked into the back of There is More in Us Than We Know, a book of readings I compiled for EL Education as part of their 25th anniversary, are titles of 25 favorite poems that speak to the theme. 

I’m delighted to offer the full set of poems in a new online collection, paired with photos. My hope is that this collection helps you discover doorways into what it means to be an ever-evolving human and a changemaker in love with this world we are fortunate to inhabit together.

Stories

Recently, I was invited to tell my story via an online magazine called VoyageDenver, for a feature called The Trailblazers: Rewriting the Narrative, which highlights female role models. Their first question was, “Can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today? You can include as little or as much detail as you’d like.”

That question is a doozy! Though it took me a long time to answer, it was empowering to articulate. The process helped me remember that though facts are immutable, the way we shape our stories about ourselves is a huge opportunity to reflect and grow. If you want to read my story, it’s here: Life and Work with Cyndi Gueswel.

Owning YOUR Story

Meanwhile, here’s a (far less gargantuan) invitation for you, if you are interested in reflecting on and more consciously shaping the stories you tell yourself about yourself. (Credit and thanks to yoga teacher Janet Stone, whose prompts I adapted.)

1. Write down as many “I am statements” as you can think of—both positive and not-so-positive habitual stories you hold about your life, such as: I am an anxious person. I am spiritual. I am punctual. I am a person who asks a lot of questions. And so on. Ideally, write each statement on its own card, sticky note, or piece of paper. If that’s a barrier, just list them.

2. Next, rank your statements, either by rearranging them or numbering them, with #1 being most central to your identity. Some statements near the bottom may feel less important, or they may no longer really be true, or they may be stories you’re ready to let go of. 

3. Choose one of your top 5 statements/stories about yourself (positive or not) to “test” over the next week. Carry it in a pocket or wallet or bag and see where it comes up in your daily life. Each time, ask yourself, “Who would I be in this situation without this story?” See what you discover.

Music

If you’re a Spotify user (you don’t have to be a subscriber), another free offering is a whole set of play lists I’ve been building over the last several years, which you can access here: https://open.spotify.com/user/1279368682.

• For completely eclectic mixes, I’ve got a playlist for each year from 2015 - now that I call “Yum.” These are songs I deeply appreciated for some reason at some point within the year, and so added to my annual list. Random and fun. Some songs are perfect for personal dance parties in your very own home.

• Below those, if you happen to enjoy yoga music (this means few/no English lyrics, some kind of groove or soothe) for working, studying, home practice, or yoga classes you teach, help yourself to almost 50 one-hour playlists I’ve built for my classes.

And Finally…

On the very last page of her book Figuring, Maria Popova (famous for her infinite website Brain Pickings) wrote the following words. They struck me deeply this week, but because I have been feeling playful, I’m quoting these three lines in the opposite order of how they actually appear on the page.

I will die.

You will die.

The atoms that huddled for a cosmic blink around the shadow of a self will return to the seas that made us.

What will survive of us are shoreless seeds and stardust.
• 
But until that day comes, nothing once created ever fully leaves us. Seeds are planted and come abloom generations, centuries, civilizations later, migrating across coteries and countries and continents.
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Meanwhile, someplace in the world, somebody is making love and another a poem.

Figuring (2019), p. 545